HELLoween
by TrueDespair
Summary: As uncreative as the title sounded, it would be the perfect word that Kurogane would describe a certain night of his impending doom. Crack-ish, No pairings, random anime character placements. -Complete-


In the spirit of Halloween, I present to you a funny, crack-ish one-shot that puts Kurogane in a tight spot~!

(_Just don't tell Kurogane or he'll come after me! XD_)

I hope you like something funny though since from what i heard from my fellow FF writers and friends they are writing horror stories for Halloween and I just can't write horror. (as unbelievable as _that_ sounded XD)

And sorry, this is strictly humor for those hoping for a KuroFai Halloween one-shot. ^_^; There is a hint of that but like i said; strictly humor.

**Warnings: Language and random placements of other anime characters. Not a crossover of any sort; just saying  
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**Disclaimer:Don't own them; never will**

**Enjoy~!  
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* * *

**HELL-o-ween**

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* * *

**[Prologue]

He thought it would never happen in his lifetime. It was the most horrid thing that he had to endure; and he's been in horrible situations before. But for reasons unknown he will _not_ voice them out.

But thanks to a certain alcoholic witch and a happy-go-lucky wizard he was doomed to endure it. Not even committing honorable suicide will spare him the embarrassment he has went through.

And it all revolved around a questionable (_ridiculous!_) holiday.

* * *

[The morning of Halloween]

Kurogane fumed in frustration as he was standing in front of a dressing room in what called a costume store. He narrowed his eyes as he can hear Fai's chuckles and Yuuko's giggles coming from said dressing room. He sighed. "How the hell did this happen?" He then heard Fai tripping on some fabric. He knew it was him when he heard a 'Wahh~!' coming from the room.

A worker at the store walked up to the ninja and smiled professionally. "Excuse me sir, do you need help finding a costume?"

The warrior glared at the worker who physically flinched at the look. "No, I don't _need help_ finding a retarded costume. So I think you should leave before I give _you_ something to find." He smirked when the worker fearfully nodded and walked away from him as quickly as possible.

"Oh dear Kurogane, your short temper never really improved during the journey did it~?"

Groaning, He turned to familiar voice only to yelp in surprise. "W-What the hell are you wearing!" He rubbed his eyes just in case he wasn't going blind. However on second thought; he wished he was.

Yuuko was wearing a 50's teen outfit that was a very short skirt and a shirt that is tied just above her stomach; thus showing it and her chest was pushed up; making it bigger than it really was. (As if it wasn't massive before) and she had her hair tied up in a side pigtail with a pink scruffy. As an added bonus, she had a pink scarf around her neck; adding the pinkness to the costume (and Kurogane's barf level). She twirled around mockingly as if she wanted to show more than necessary. "So what do you think ninja? It looks well on me right~?"

"…." Kurogane could only stare what the monstrosity the witch called a 'costume'. "Witch….you look like an old lady in her _grand_daughter's clothing." He then ducked at a bag of fake eyeballs that was thrown at his direction. "The hell!"

The witch frowned. "Well you didn't have to be mean~!" She then pointed to the costume. "I thought I should dress up in something more stylish and hip for Halloween this year instead of something bland~!"

"What's so _hip _about dressing like a slut?" _'Crap, duck!' _And the ninja did; only to look back in great surprise on what was thrown at him. "Oh come on! A metal bat? Those don't even belong in this goddamn store!"

Yuuko huffed; making it obvious that she was offended by Kurogane's rude question.

Kurogane just rolled his eyes; not even caring.

"Hyuu~! Can I come out now~? I want to show my costume to Kuro-puu~!"

The person in question just grumbled as he placed a hand on his face.

Yuuko smirked as the man was more or less irritated. "Of course you can~!"

Then the door opened to reveal Fai's costume. Which as it turned out could not be better suited for him. Fai's costume in a nutshell was a full cat suit; complete with a big bell and a red bow. Fai meow-ed in a childish manner. "Well what do you think guys~?"

"Oh dear god." Kurogane had to do a double take just to make sure he wasn't hallucinating. "Please tell me you're not going out in freaking public dressed like _that_." He groaned when Fai happily nodded. "I can't believe this; first a _slut_ and now _catman_! What's next! A fairy princess! "

Fai pouted as he crossed his arms at the taller man. "Hmm…Kuro-sama's not in the Halloween spirit~! And everyone knows that Halloween is a very special day~!"

"_Shut up_! You don't even know about this weird-ass holiday until the wimp that works for the witch had to explain it to you!" Kurogane retorted. He turned away so he didn't have to look at Fai…or rather the costume he was wearing.

Yuuko placed a finger on her chin in thought. "You know what; Fai the little darling," She gently pinched Fai's cheeks. "Has a very good point." She then turned her attention to Kurogane who _kindly_ showed his back to them. "I think Kurogane should get a good taste of what happens to people who dismiss the fun of Halloween. And I think I found the _perfect _costume for him to wear."

Kurogane's as well as Fai's curiosity was peaked at the statement.

"Ooh~! What kind of costume will Kuro-kuro wear~?" Fai asked; already liking where the situation was leading to.

"Well….." Yuuko started as Kurogane looked over his shoulder.

* * *

"Forget it."

"But Kuro-buu, it's a cute costume~!"

"Then why don't _you_ wear this!"

"No~! It wouldn't be right stealing your costume~! And besides, I already have my costume~!"

"Now now Kurogane, you're delaying the inevitable. You either wear this outfit or I make sure that a certain archeologist will found about you sleeping with a teddy bear and sucking your thumb~!"

"….you wouldn't _dare_."

"Try me."

"….."

* * *

[Nighttime]

Fai, in his cat suit was waiting for Kurogane to come out of the witch's shop. The kids and Mokona were at Watanuki's place for a sleepover while Yuuko was going to hand out treats to the children who will only see her shop for that one night. Fai tapped as if he was impatient. "Oh come on Kuro-san! Come out here and bask in the joy that is trick-or-treating~!"

As if he said the magic words, Fai could hear Kurogane yelling and cursing as he was pushed out of the front door of the shop by Maru and Moro.

"The mistress said you should have fun with Fai and get as much candy as possible. See you later~!" And with that they closed the door before Kurogane had a chance to get back in or at the very least, retort.

"Freaking witch!" Kurogane turned around and looked up only to see Fai squealing like a little girl. He groaned. "Oh crap here it comes." He muttered as he walked towards the wizard-cat….thing.

Fai was jumping up and down in joy as Kurogane approached him. "Oh Kurgy; you look _so_ amazing~!" He clasped his hands together in excitement. "Don't you think it's pretty? I bet you do~!" He ducked as Kurogane tried to swing a punch at his face. "Aw come on; it's not _that_ bad~!"

"…." Kurogane glared at the mage as his face turned bright red. "How the _hell_ does me dressing up as a freaking fairy princess, not _that bad_!" Indeed, he was. He was wearing a pink frilly fairy princess outfit….custom made as Kurogane was _way_ too big for any standard size the store had so Yuuko pulled a few strings and behold. He only had to wear the horrid outfit but also a bright pink tiara and hold a wand…which was shaped as a butterfly. Dear god, help him now.

The cat-mage laughed as he handed Kurogane an orange plastic bag. "Oh Kuro-rin, you always exaggerate~! You'll see that there's nothing to worry about~!"

Kurogane took the bag but his glare didn't lessened. "Fine…but I won't like it."

Fai smiled as he knew he won the argument. "Alright then; let's go~!" He started marching out of the shop's front gates and into the neighborhood.

The ninja—I mean fairy princess-just reluctantly started walking out as he grumbled about the pink high heels he had to wear.

How girls can handle the wearing-torture devices was beyond him.

* * *

[First house]

"God I can't believe I doing this; I don't even _like _sweets!" Kurogane grumbled out as he and Fai went up to the front door of a town house. "And not to mention I got little kids laughing at me on the way here and older brats taking pictures of me and shouting something about 'You tube'. And what the hell is a 'you tube'?"

"Oh Kuro-puu, I think they were just complimenting on how adorable you look in that outfit. I still think you do~!" Fai then knocked on the door. "Trick or treat~!" He nudged Kurogane with his elbow. "Come on, Kuro-chan; you say it too~!"

"_Hell no_." Kurogane crossed his arms in stubbornness.

Fai was about to open his mouth when the door opened. He then held out his bag with two hands. "Trick or treat; smell my feet, give me something good to eat~!"

The person who opened the door was a young man about sixteen with long gold-blond hair tied to a braid alone with gold eyes while wearing a white shirt, black pants, black boots and a magician's hat on his head. He was lazily licking a lollipop with a bored expression on his face as he got a good look at Fai. "….Um what the hell are you doing?"

Kurogane raised an eyebrow at the person. _'He sounded just like the mage….but less idiotic.' _

Fai just smiled. "Why I'm trick or treating of course~!" He then spun around. "Don't I make a pretty kitty~?"

The golden-haired boy raised an eyebrow in curiosity. "Aren't you a bit old to be trick or treating?"

"Aren't you a bit _young _to even be up this late? Besides you're too short to even be up at this hour." Kurogane retorted; feeling a bit irritated by the second.

The person's bored expression turned immediately into an angry one as he whipped his head to Kurogane's direction. "WHO ARE YOU CALLING A PIPSQUEAK WHO'S SMALLER THEN AN AMEBA, YOU BASTARD!" He then stopped as he then got a good look at Kurogane. He smirked. "Heh. I didn't think I would live to see it." The person leaned on the doorway. "So what are you; a freaking ballerina?

Kurogane's eyebrow twitched. "…No….I'm not….a _freaking_ _ballerina_."

Fai stepped in front of Kurogane with a smile. "Nope~! He's a pretty fairy princess~!"

The person blinked before chuckling loudly while Kurogane's anger level reached an unimaginable height.

"Oh man I can't believe this crap!" The person said in between chuckles. "Hey Al! Come over here! I wanna show you something!" He shouted over his shoulder.

"**What is it brother? I'm making jack-o-lantern cookies!**"

"There's a guy here wearing a pink tutu with catman while going trick-or-treating!"

"…**..You're kidding!" **The three then heard a big crash followed by a "**Wait a sec! I need to get my video camera for this!**"

Kurogane groaned as he heard more crashes and a cat hissing in fright. "I'm going to kill that witch when we get back."

Fai just giggled. "I wouldn't worry about it." Then he held out his bag once again. "So, can we get the candy now?" While he did know that this was a bit harsh on Yuuko's part; he was obviously enjoying the situation; liking the fact that Kurogane was getting the better (more like bitter) taste of dressing up.

* * *

[7th house]

Fai gently knocked on the door with that grin of his. He then turned to Kurogane who already was fuming angrily about the first house. "Oh Kuro, you're not mad about the last house we were on, are you~?"

"…."Kurogane darkly glanced at Fai before snapping his wand in half. He gripped his bag very tightly as he growled at the door that has yet to be opened. "That freaking pipsqueak made fun of me and that taller guy took pictures of us! How can I _not _be angry?"

"Well that taller gut took more pictures of me then you. I think he likes cats and I think he was trying to soften the blow the first guy was giving you." Fai then reached into his bag and took out a cookie. "Besides, they gave us cookies as an apology~!" He took a bite of the cookie. "They're freshly baked too~!"

Kurogane looked at Fai a second time and faintly smiled. "I guess. But I still don't like sweets."

The door then finally opened; making Fai held out his bag and Kurogane's barely-there smile disappear.

"Trick or treat~!"

"….what he said…."

Before them was a young girl with long brown hair and bright brown eyes looking back at the pair. She was wearing a palely white dress with a veil over her face as there were bits of blood on the bottom. She also had a bowl of candy in her arms and a blue dog plushie on her left shoulder. She smiled up to them. "Hi~! Are you two trick or treating~?" Then she shuddered as a growled was heard. "Oh yes; silly me. It is Halloween after all~!"

Fai and Kurogane looked at each other; thinking that the poor girl had some memory loss or something. And what was that growling they just heard?

Then the girl gasped as she saw their costumes. She looked up at Fai first with an exciting smile. "Oh~! You're a pretty kitty~!"

The mage laughed lightly at the statement. "Well of course I am~! I'm a big cat with an adorable bell; see~?" He then flicked the bell, making it ring.

The young girl smiled as Fai pretended to be a cat for her. She clapped her hands as he made meow noises and moving like a cat.

Kurogane could only roll his eyes at the scene. Then he heard laughter behind him. Sighing, he turned around and saw a group of little children; accompanying by a woman, snickering and giggling at him. He glared at them. "_What_?"

One of the kids smirked as he pointed to the man. "Look guys, that man's wearing pink and a dress~! Weirdo!" He laughed making the kids around him laugh along with him. The woman frowned at their behavior.

"Now that's not very nice." The woman lightly scolded the children. "I personally think that he looks quite lovely on him." She stated; trying to help the pink wearing man.

However, it had the opposite effect.

What the woman said only made the children laugh even harder as she looked up at the poor man. "S-sorry. I guess I done more harm than good." She then gasped and quickly moved the children away as a bowl of candy was thrown at their direction.

The young girl and Fai could only stare in amazement as Kurogane was breathing heavily. They looked at each other in confusion as candy was scattered on the sidewalk and the little children cheered and ran to get the discarded candy.

Fai blinked as he gently pushed Kurogane away from the young girl's door. "I think we should go to the next house. Let's go." He looked at the girl. "Thank you for the candy~!"

The young girl could only smile and wave as the pair more or less ran down along the sidewalk. "Wow, that man didn't like his costume very much huh?"

"_If I was in that disgusting thing you call a costume; I'd raise hell too."_

The young girl looked at her left shoulder. "Hmm…I guess so."

"_And that a-hole wasted all that candy."_

The young girl picked up the plushie. "Oh don't be so down~!

Then there was a deep growl that made the girl regretted her words.

"I-I mean, let's go get some more~! I bet there's a lot more for us too."

That seemed to pacify whatever that just growled.

* * *

[11th house]

Kurogane was (a lack of a better word)…pissed. He just couldn't take more of the torture that was trick or treating; even more so in a pink tut-_fairy princess_! He knew that when the night reaches its climax; he'll go insane, go to a nearby liquor store and raise hell. That hasn't happened yet but he was tempted to.

Fai on the other hand, was having the best might of his life. It wasn't because of Kurogane apparent discomfort and suffering though it made him chuckle a bit. He never had this much fun when he was younger; less so when he was a kid. He was actually having fun; not worry about his issues or the journey, just having fun. "Hyuu~! I wish everyday would be as fun like this~!" He loudly stated; referring to the type of fun the pair would have.

However, Kurogane took it the wrong way.

"You _got_ to be kidding me! Don't tell me that dressing up like some puppet and going to strangers' houses for sweets that are either crappy or poisoned would be fun in any shape or form!" Kurogane shouted out in anger and tiredness.

* * *

**A/N: You forgot a tiny fact that you don't eat sweets because you hate them with the intensity of a thousand suns.**

**Kurogane: SHUT UP! I was just making a point!**

**A/N: Well you suck at it. -_-;**

**Kurogane: I don't need to hear it from a procrastinating writer with too much Yaoi in her mind!**

**A/N: Oh _that_ can be arranged. Keep _talking_ and see what happens! **

**Kurogane:...*fumes***

**A/N: I thought so. *smirks***

**

* * *

**Fai chuckled as he grabbed Kurogane's arm and walked towards another house. "Oh please Kuro-princess; we all know you love it~! It's written all over your face~!" He then went up to the door and rang the doorbell. "Besides; I think you're not the only one who has it bad. I bet there's a guy who's in the same position as you are in right now~!"

Kurogane huffed in disbelief as he went up and stood next to Fai. "Yeah, right. Like there's a guy who in my shoes right now wearing a dress and force to keep it on for the night." As soon as those words left his mouth; the door opened.

The door opened to reveal a man in his twenties with black wavy medium-hair; gold eyes and….wearing an 'Alice in wonderland' costume with the works. He tried to smile at the pair but his misery made that attempted smile into a half-grin. "H-Happy Halloween."

The pair looked at each other as one thought came through their minds.

'_Boy, he must have it _real _hard.'_

Not wanting to endure more of a tension moment, Fai held out his bag with a smile. "Trick or treat~! Do you have candy~?" His smile brightened as the man got a bowl full of candy and grab a handful of them and dropped them in the cat-mage's bag. "Hyuu~! Thank you~!"

The man nodded. "Um…you're welcome." He then turned his attention to Kurogane. He got one good look of the fairy princess outfit the ninja was wearing and sighed. "You too?"

Kurogane nodded but rolled his eyes. "Duh. A witch did this to me; with no help from this idiot over here." He pointed to Fai who had the nerve to wave back in a joyous manner. "What about you?"

The man shifted his eyes. "A young yet manipulative teenage boy who I'm reluctantly watching over along with a carnivore of a bratty girl to keep out of trouble of." He suddenly felt very depressed.

Fai hummed in sympathy as he patted the shoulder. "Aww~! I'm sorry to hear that. I hope things will turn out better in the future."

"Or get worse; whatever happens." Kurogane muttered.

The cat-mage was about to retort when a yell reached their ears.

"**Hey seaweed-head; where's the meat? I'm freaking starving here!**"

Along with

"**Don't worry! I'm sure Gilbert has some in his cabinet~! Let's check~!**"

The man paled. "Oh crap. That's where I keep the hidden guns for protection!" He then looked at the pair with a forced smile. "I um…have to do something right now!"

Kurogane sighed. "I know. Brats are difficult to handle. Go." He then made a hand motion; shooing him in the manliest way possible.

Fai nodded. "Yup~! Since you gave us candy, I think we should go anyway." He then turned his back as he waved. "Have a happy Halloween~!" And with that he and Kurogane left the house and walked down the street.

The dress-wearing look at them as they disappeared into the dark. He then heard a crash as he flinched. "That stupid rabbit!" He muttered as he went back inside the house.

" **Oi stupid rabbit! What the hell did you do now!**"

"**Shut it sea-weed head! It's your fault that you didn't feed me and now the kitchen's the wreck!**"

"**That's your fault, you brat!**"

"**What was that!"**

"**Hey you two; calm down.**"

"**SHUT UP!**"

* * *

[Midnight]

As the moon reached the highest point of the dark night, Kurogane sighed as he and Fai were lying on the grass in a park not too far from Yuuko's shop. Fai was sighing in content while his eyes were closed. Kurogane on the other hand was just staring at the starless sky; deep in thought. Their bags were sitting in between them. Fai got about ten lollipops, five pixie sticks; two fun-size chocolate bits and seven peppermints. Kurogane; thanks to the humiliation of his costume, got two full-size chocolate bars, five peppermints, four cookies (he still haven't eaten them and he'd be damned if he'd let the mage eat them), two lollipops, a small bag of licorice, and twenty jolly-ranchers.

As Fai heard Kurogane grunt out-loud, he opened his eyes and glanced at the pink-wearing man. "What's up Kuro-sama?" When Kurogane didn't answer; he sat up and had a concerned look on his face. "Kuro; what's wrong?" What he got as a response shocked him in more ways than he can possibly imagine.

Kurogane started to chuckle then it turned into soft laughter then finally he was laughing so loudly that he had to sat up and hold his chest just to keep him deprived from oxygen. His eyes started to water as his laughter got a bit too much. Even people walking by had to stop and stare at the fairy princess who was basically laughing his ass off.

Fai; who thought the end of the universe was near, leaned forward and touched Kurogane's shoulder. "Um, Kuro…you're kind of scaring me. Can you please tell me what's wrong before I think about whacking you with my candy bag?"

Waving it off, Kurogane started calming down before taking deep breaths until his face held nothing more than a small smile. "You know; after being in this girly getup and going on a road of hell and back for vile sweets and unneeded crap from little children I realized something; this night is probably the best night I've ever had." He then stopped Fai from speaking as he held up a finger in the mage's face. "Don't tell the witch or anyone that. I'm delusional and in freaking need of a drink. If I hear anything from them I will end you _painfully_."

Laughing whole-heartedly, Fai patted Kurogane on the head. "Well I wasn't going to say anything. I was going to say that I'm glad you had a good time. Sure, we had some insults thrown our way and had shares of other people's misery but hey, 'misery love company'." He then looked up at the sky. "I just wish I had this kind of holiday in my home world."

Looking up at the sky as well Kurogane hesitantly nodded. "Yeah, me too."

"Well, look who we have~!"

The pair looked in front of them and saw a person they recognized immediately.

"Fuuma~!" Fai cried out in excitement. "I never thought I would see you in this world of all places. How are you~?"

Fumma adjusted his sunglasses as he smiled back. "I never thought I would see you too but I'm glad. And for that second question, I'm fine. I was in Piffle world talking to Tomoyo about an item that was sent from another world."

"So, you're still delivering huh?" Kurogane noted; holding back at the mention of his princess (even though in piffle she's not). "And the witch is still using you huh?"

"Heh. I can't imagine a person that she hasn't used. Speaking of that, I was wondering…." Fuuma smirked. "Why are you in a dress?"

Kurogane growled as he looked away. "None of your damn business." He failed to notice that Fai was pointing at him, mouthing 'Yuuko did it' and Fuuma nodded in understanding.

Checking his watch, Fuuma cleared his throat and smiled. "Well, as much as I want to stay and chat some more; Yuuko is in need of my services once again so I must be off." He then started walking away. "See ya and Happy Halloween~!"

Fai waved at him. "Bye Fumma~! And a happy Halloween to you too~!" He then sighed as he placed his hands on his lap. "It's nice to see Fuuma again; a nicer meeting then his older brother Seishiro."

Kurogane nodded. "I'll say." He then yawned; the fatigue finally catching up to him. "Well I'm tired as hell; let's go to that wimp's place and check on the others."

"Aww~!" Is Kuro-daddy worried about his dear children~?" Fai stood up as well stretching his arms.

"No. I just don't want that pork bun or anyone else drunk. It was a killer in Outo and I don't want a freaking repeat." He then looked down and saw that something was off. "Hey, why's there only one bag on the ground?"

Fai looked down as well and hyuu-ed in curiosity. "That true; but that one that's left is mine." He then placed a finger on his chin. "That's strange."

Kurogane narrowed his eyes in thought until it clicked. "That giddy jerk. He must have stolen my candy when I wasn't looking."

"Hyuu. That's awfully stealthily since I didn't see him did it either." Fai said with an amusing smile. "I guess there nothing we can do at this point, right?"

…

"Um, Kuro-" Fai blinked and the next thing he knew, Kurogane was running where Fuuma was going.

"_GET BACK HERE WITH MY FREAKING CANDY! I DIDN'T GO ALL THROUGH HELL ALL NIGHT IN A FREAKING DRESS JUST TO GET NOTHING! IF I SEE THAT WITCH WITH A PIECE OF MY CANDY; YOU DEAD!_"

Fai laughed as he ran from the park and chased after Kurogane. With a big smile; he shouted to on one in particular feeling as happy as he could.

"**Happy Halloween everyone~!**"

* * *

**END**

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**Yep, that's about it. I hope you all like it~! ^_^

**Don't forget to review, check out my other stories and vote on vamp poll in my profile.**

**Until Next Time~!**

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_HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO EVERYONE~! XD_  
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